Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

…whether I’d want to watch it or eat it.

Delicious Light: A Gummi Bear Chandelier

Apologies for the long delay. Life got in the way, but I decided to kick life’s ass and get back to doing what I do best – sitting in front of the computer broke while eating pizza!

To kick things off, instead of the science-y stuff I usually do, I’m going to post a vid from youtube from what has quickly become my favorite show, Better off Ted. Sadly, it looks like the show is in jeopardy as they put it on hiatus without finishing the season, so I want to do what I can to further interest in this amazing, hilarious show!

By the way, this is very much NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Do not play around your boss, little ones, or Sarah Palin. None of them have a sense of humor and they wouldn’t get it even if you explained it to them.

PS: it may help to read the episode summary from The Impertenance of Communicating.

…were a little more real, we’d get what you see at this link.

NSFW, so keep the kiddies occupied for a few minutes.

If Cartoons Were More Like The Real World

…honestly the line between ‘great’ invention and ‘dumb’ invention (anything hawked by Billy Mayes springs to mind) is paper thin. Still…

READ IT HERE.

…is only one comic out of many you should read. Dresden Codak is one of the best-written, densely symbolic and intelligent comics out there right now. You probably won’t understand some of it (Chaos knows I don’t) but reading it should make you feel smarter nonetheless.

The comic is here. Funny stuff.

…is back!

Is it the best show on TV? Well…depends on who you ask. But with consistently good writing, excellent stories, excellent characters and a great smartassy sense of humor, it really ranks up their, in our collectively-mad opinion.

Here’s the season 4 trailer. Watch and enjoy.

…and the Fight Club reference is pure genius. You know it is.

…are cute.

possibly NSFW, if you care to waste time at this crappy site while at work.

Courtesy of Gamer Phreak. No idea where he got this; undoubtedly from a gay porn site of some kind.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What’s a “mixed feeling”?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
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Q. What’s the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
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Q. What’s the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint an X on the back of each sheep that kicks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. It’s a quickie when you’re all alone.
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Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.What is the difference between “Oooooooh!” and “Aaaaaaah!”?
A. About three inches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What’s the difference between pink and purple?
A. The grip.
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Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
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Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
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Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium. Eight inches is rare.

…prefer men who are taken? DEAR GOD ALERT THE INTERNETS! WHAT  A REVELATION!

Unknown to the participants, everyone was offered a fictitious candidate partner who had been tailored to match their interests exactly. The photograph of “Mr Right” was the same for all women participants, as was that of the ideal women presented to the men. Half the participants were told their ideal mate was single, and the other half that he or she was already in a romantic relationship.

“Everything was the same across all participants, except whether their ideal mate was already attached or not,” says Burkley.

The most striking result was in the responses of single women. Offered a single man, 59 per cent were interested in pursuing a relationship. But when he was attached, 90 per cent said they were up for the chase.

The rest of the completely non-surprising article is here.

…were really pretty cool.

Found this in an old email I had been saving, thought I’d share it to make alla-y’alls nostalgic and such.

Just because you were born in ‘97 doesn’t mean you’re a 90’s kid.

It’s not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90’s just wont cut it.

You’re a 90’s kid if:

You can finish this [ice ice _ _ _ _ ]

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby’s World, Felix the cat, The Tick…

AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!

You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word “PSYCHE!”

You just cant resist finishing this . . . “Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . .”

You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading “Goosebumps”

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You still get the urge to say “NOT” after (almost) every sentence . . . not

If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.

when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish…eeny meeny miney mo…and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.

“Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He’s a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genesis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America’s Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on “intruders”

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where’s Waldo books.

You watched the gladiators on Friday nights

You remember eating Warheads.

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinking Surge and Tang.

If you remember when everything was “da BOMB!”

When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected “Pogs”

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

. . . Furbies.

Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!

You haven’t always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.

Michael Jordan was a king.

YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were “Lisa Frank” brand.

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Mortal Kombat was awesome–the game and the movie

Carebears

Gak was the coolest stuff invented.

Lambchop’s song never ended.

The old dollar bills.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

You had to read Weekly Reader’s in class.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You’ve gotten creeped out by “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”

You know the Macarena by heart.

“Talk to the hand” . . . enough said

You always said, “Then why don’t you marry it!”

You remember trying to collect all 150 original Pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!

You remember Highlight’s magazine.

You know the significance of the number 23.

You went to McDonald’s to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .

Before the Internet & text messaging . . .

Before the drama….

Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .

Before MIKE JONES . . .

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .

Before Spongebob . . .

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.

When gameboy was a brick.

When girls put sun-In on there hair for highlights

You did MASH to figure out your future

When you weren’t cool unless you had a Starter jacket.

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Who would have thought you’d miss the 90’s so much!!!!!

…is FRIGGIN’ HILARIOUS!!

Wait, you say you’ve never seen the show? Allow me to demonstrate the hilarity.

Ah, not enough? How about some bloopers?

…should be universal! Leave it to the Daily Show to show the absurdity of some of the fears behind the health care bill.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Healther Skelter – Obama Death Panel Debate
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Spinal Tap Performance

…Star Wars style!

Yeah, it shows my level of geek that I think this is totally awesome.

…is back, with a gem of an article.

Heemeyer set to work on his new project almost immediately. The Komatsu D335A bulldozer that was meant to save his business was instead moved into the muffler shop, and Heemeyer began to make some modifications. He started by adding home-made composite armor–cement sandwiched between thick sheets of steel–to protect the cab, engine, and parts of the tracks. He installed front and rear cameras to feed images to monitors in the cab, and several gun ports were set around the control center. A stockpile of food and water was stored inside, as well as an air tank to help provide air circulation.

Throughout the one-and-a-half years of construction, Heemeyer documented his progress though notes and audio tapes. “Because of your anger, because of your malice, because of your hate, you would not work with me,” he stated in his tape recordings. “I am going to sacrifice my life, my miserable future that you gave me, to show you that what you did is wrong.” He received several visitors at his shop while working on his armored vehicle of vengeance, and none of them seemed alarmed at the weaponized armor shell atop his earth-mover. In his notes Heemeyer credited a higher power with “clouding their vision.” On one occasion he wrote, “I was always willing to be reasonable until I had to be unreasonable. Sometimes reasonable men must do unreasonable things.”

The rest is here.

Brilliant.

If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.

- Bertrand Russell

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell%27s_teapot